she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
