I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
