Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
so much tequila, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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