the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
