TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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