Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
