I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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