Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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