But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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