he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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