I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
