I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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