Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
