I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize