Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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