dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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