the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
