What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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