I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
