after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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