Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize