dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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