Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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