I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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