i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
