I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
