never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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