Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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