I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
