That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
