i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
