I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
