I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
