First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
