Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What a dumb baby whore.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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