David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
