So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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