You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
