Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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