So drunk, too bad you don't want this
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
