would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
