So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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