It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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