I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
