But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
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I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
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Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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