WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
