I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have so many feelings about this burrito
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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