Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
