It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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