how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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