I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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