Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
