Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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