just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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