is your mom at the bar?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
