How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
