I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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