i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
