maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
