He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
