tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
