Me too!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
