I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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