Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
