I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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