...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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